That Todd can be a little bastard can't he?
While you were telling your story about the lunch box I was thinking I would throw that thing out into the yard.  Your house... not his & if he can't show respect, well you know where I'm going with this. As for your husband, I've been pretty clear as to what I think of him as well....
Thank you for your comment in my diary. I'm so happy to see you back. I've worried about you & missed you everytime I've been on here. I understand what you mean about going to your mothers. I do think it's a good idea to find out about protecting yourself & your girls. The best thing to do is get far, far away from them both. They're poison. Yes, that child may have had a hard life &/or problems but it's a time to grow up & stop using that as an excuse to be a snot. My life has been anything from a bed of roses & I'm not behaving that way. I never have. There is no excuse for his behavior. None. I don't think you're making to much of it. It's hard to understand when you're not in the situation. To understand being at 'your end'. I understand. Been there & still am.
Much love,
~Mystic

[MysticTears]

Hi sweetie... it's been so long since I've heard from you! It's great to see you back on, but I'm sorry things haven't changed.
Please write again when time allows.
Love,
~Mystic

PS... You should look up commonsenses diary. He's a friend of mine & he's a preacher. Not the kind to shove it down your throat either. He's so insiteful & a really very nice man. Check it out!

 Oh honey... what has he done now?
~Mystic

So alone
Comes a single moan
How can I
Go
On?
You don't take time to care
When I need you you're not there,
All this pain I face is every where
I'm drowning
Wanna come up for air-
Oh and you don't see me
Yeah, and you're so mean to me
Why don't you love me
Why don't you care
I need someone to know me
Someone to be there
But no you don't need me
And no you don't care
When I need you you're not there.
How to go on?
Am I not your only one?
I just don't think I can carry on
But I love you...
It all boils down to this-
I'd be happy with just one kiss
Not looking for super bliss
Only want just one
Just one kiss....
Can we try?
Can't say goodbye.

I wish you so much good luck and happy energy.

:)

I've had you in my faves for a while and I have never yet commented. This evening I have read several of your entries, reacquainting myself to your daily life. First, I'd like to say, I am sorry for the trouble that your husband puts you through. I have experienced it and I have known other people that have gone through it. In fact, there's another diarist on here that goes through what you go through with her husband. Her name is fsmfollower. If you check her diary out I think that you will feel less alone.

There is a seven year difference between me and my husband and when I was younger I faced some of the same things with him. I put up with verbal abuse for a lot of years. And what did I learn? If I was going to stay with him I could not argue with him cuz arguing with him only made things worse. I made myself submit to him and I learned to take the blame in all situations.

Did it work? Yes. It worked.

Over time, my husband became less abusive and more thoughtful as he grew older and started realizing how much he hurt me. Every once in a while he shows his ass, but he's always apologizing. And I never argue with him. There is no point in that. If I argue with him we will end up divorced and that is something that I don't want for my son and honestly for myself and my husband.

I don't know what is the appropriate action for you to take. Obviously, your situation is different then mine in many ways, I'm sure. I can say this- don't lower yourself to his ranting and ravings. Take it until you're ready to move on because you will only make it worse by arguing. You cannot change him. The only thing you can do is guage your response and control your own actions.

I know that you fear losing your children. Maybe when you have a chance, call up a lawyer and tell them your situation and find out if they can give you any small measure of advice. If you take your children with you you should be able to keep them-possession means ownership. Besides, he doesn't sound like he would be interested in taking them anyway. He doesn't help with them. And- in situations like yours, the mother usually gets custody of the children. You've proven to be a very intelligent woman, going to school and preparing yourself and your children a better future. Your effort in school will pay off when it comes to seeking custody of your children.

I think that if you're gonna stick with him let him have his way all the time. Continue to let him know that he hurts you, but don't argue with him, maybe over time he'll get the idea and stop mistreating you and will start taking your feelings in consideration. If he mistreats you in a way that is hard for you to cope, find a way to leave him.

He sounds like a total a**h***. Like he wouldn't care if you walked out. I would do him a favor and leave him. Obviously, he thinks that he can find somebody better. Let him try. He'll never find another woman that puts up with the sh*t that you take from him every day.

If you're gonna stay with him, resolve to let him have his way and stop arguing with him. If you grow tired of the way that he treats you and you're tired of putting up with him, leave his ass. He doesn't deserve you.

  Heart Hugs. I'm so sorry to read that your husband is being abusive.

   I'm glad that you are here writing through the pain and sharing....I hope that you receive alot of support.

   Me- I'm a recovering bipolar alcoholic with generalized anxiety disorder. I take medications and have a therapist.  I'm also the daughter of a Loving and Gracious God..I have been in abusive relationships and sometimes think that my current one may be to a certain extent. 

   I look forward to getting to know you better.

   I hope that the night is kind to you,

                 Jewel

I hope that you feel better soon...

Oh... and it continues. I'm sorry. I wish there was something more I could do.

~Mystic

Sorry honey I am confused. Are you asking if talking and questioning things that you don't know about is bad? If that is the question my answer is no.

~Love Mystic

  Thank you so much for stopping by my diary and leaving me a note. I'm sooooo hoping that you get the right medication. It WILL make such a difference. Please keep me posted.

   I'm rooting for you!,

       Jewel

Thank God you are still alive, I have been very worried about you. I am so terribly sorry things are still so sh*tty. My God, I wish I had the answers for you. You sound so much like my mother it saddens me deeply. When I was young my father was horrible to my mom, much like your husband is to you. She too felt like her heart would break and was having panic attacks and hyperventilating. She also was short and crabby with me, because of him.

I don't know how to make your heart turn off. I do know that one can only take so much. One can only be 'beat down' so much before all you feel is anger and hate. I hope you will find strength and that God will hold you. I know that you are staying with him because of the kids.. once again the samething my mother did. She eventually suffered a nervous breakdown. Trust me, you are not doing your children any favors by staying with him. Like I have said before your children are watching and learning this. Please find a way.. please leave. By the way is there a womens shelter where you are? Even though he hasn't physically abused you.. that I am aware of, it does fall under abuse.. emotional. Someone must be able to help you. I swear if you lived closer,  you and your babies would be living with me. I wish I could do more.

~Much love and support always... Mystic

  I suffer from Manic depression so I understand how it is to feel down and to have panic attacks.   I am adding you to my favs...I will be rooting you on in the changes that you with to make.  Medication has helped me so much...Though I am currently in an episode brought on by stress...May we both feel better tomorrow.

    Best wishes,

       Jewel

I hope you feel better soon. Yuck...

Mystic

awww i hope ya'll get better

and quickly =[[

being sick blows...what a handful X_X

I'm sorry I've been away for so long. My modem blew up and it took FOREVER to get a new one. I'm sorry things are continuing to be so bad. He is such an ass. Uhh. If I lived closer.....

~Love Mystic

X_X

wow...i feel really sorry for you

and all the toothbrush drama...

that is really gross though for him to be using the toothbrush

Hi honey...As I read your entry I can feel the pickle you are in. I DO NOT think you are a 'nut job' for the feelings and fears you have. You feelings are justified completely. I am happy you are going to see an attorney. You need to know where you stand.

Is there a way you can push for supervised visitation? If you can prove his verbal abuse, mental abuse and anything you may have on his son that can prove he may be a danger then you will most likely have a leg to stand on and force the supervised visitation. That way when he is supervised he will not be able to run over to 'moms' and have the children breath in all those terrible toxins...

Perhaps that would bring you some comfort. I also want you to think about something.. I know you feel like you are doing the right thing with not letting them grow up without a father (and I can't judge this for you, I don't live there and don't know the days in-days out) but is it really in their best interest to be subjected to such an individual as himself? Verbally abuse and neglectful? Mean and selfish? Narcissistic? Just a thought....

I am always praying for you. For the strength to NOT GIVE IN. Do not stop fighting for your sanity, health and for your babies! No one, no one deserves to go through what you are. Stay strong. I am here for you if you need me.

~Mystic

You haven't posted an entry in awhile... I am worried. Where are you??

~Love Mystic

Wow, did I ever get a flash back. If I didn't know better I would think you were married to my father. My father always made the 'big show'. Tatrums and loved to play the victim. So what is his hang up about you talking to the x-wife? I think it is amazing and must feel quite good to at least communicate with her about that.  I agree with Kathy, he doesn't deserve you. The way he treats you is beyond words in my book. I am so sorry you are in this situation.

Please finish school and get you and your children the hell out of there.... Please remember this, he is also teaching your children. I don't know if you have boys or girls but either way, your little girls will end up looking for a man like your husband and this vicious cycle will continue.

And if you have a little boy he will learn to treat his wife and other women in his life like your husband treats you. Please I know it is hard, maybe too hard to think of but I would suggest consuling and that is for the whole family. And if he won't then I would leave. There is just too much at stake here.

Take care

~Mystic

The part about your little one telling him to be nice to you and that you cry all the time makes me want to cry.

~Mystic

God... I have been where you have been. It is a place that sucks beyond belief and is  full of pain. I too have a husband with balls that disintegrated when it came to standing up for his wife. Against his mother and his brother.

His brother would call me fat ass, wide glide, heifer and even resorted to making 'cow calls' when I walked by. His mother treated me like an outsider and would refuse to speak to me. She finally started talking when I was pregnant. She all of a sudden became my best friend.....however once I gave birth she was silent again.

My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years and it hasn't changed.  He felt he couldn't stand up to his family because they were his family. He never laughed though. He was just silent and that in my book is that same thing as the silent stamp of approval.

The only thing that changed was me. I don't put up with that sh*t. Someone says something nasty to me then I will say something. (Probably twice as nasty). His brother no longer says anything to me and his mother speaks to me occasionally.

I am not promoting being a bitch (even though it can be handy) but to stand up for yourself and as for your husband draw the line.... tell him what you expect and stand your ground. You are a equal partner in your relationship and he is treating you and allowing you to be treated like crap and it is completely unacceptable. A deal breaker. *****Tell him to grow some balls.*****

~Love Mystic